Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
