Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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