Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
