I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
