So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
