Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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