Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
