He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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