well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He did a backflip because drugs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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