If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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