If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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