Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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