remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
