I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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