turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize