i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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