Dual....:-)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
