I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
