my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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