People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
