Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
