I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
