Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
