So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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