Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
