Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
