Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
