I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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