Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
