Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
