Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
