she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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