so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
