Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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