Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
