Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize