This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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