I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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