Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
