Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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