Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
