What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
