i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
