just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
