If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
