Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize