So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
