After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
