Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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