I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
