What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
