now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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