this beer tastes like vomit already
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
