Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
