Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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