i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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