Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
