A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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