Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
