I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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