I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
