Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
