I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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