so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
