Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
