I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
