I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
