The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
