she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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